Why We Don’t Take Beer Seriously (So You Can Actually Enjoy It)
Let’s be honest for a second. Somewhere between the rise of the triple-dry-hopped hazy IPA and people swirling glass flutes to detect notes of "wet forest floor after an April rain," craft beer lost its mind.
When did drinking a cold beer become homework?
At Satire Brewing Company, we decided early on that life is way too short—and way too absurd—to take ourselves seriously. We don't brew beer to impress judges in velvet suits. We brew beer because making unique, ridiculous, mouth-watering small-batch drinks is the most fun you can have with your pants on.
No Snobs, No Rules, Just Weirdly Good Beer
If you walk into our taproom looking for a lecture on hop alpha acids, you’re in the wrong place. But if you walk in looking for a beer named to test your comfort level—or a brew infused with actual popcorn—welcome home.
We practice No Rules Brewing. Light, dark, malty, dangerously high-ABV, or absurdly crisp, our small-batch nano-system lets us brew whatever we feel like trying next. If it tastes incredible, it goes on tap. If it pushes the boundaries of good taste... well, that’s usually the stuff we put at the top of the menu.
Eat Like a Squirrel, Drink Like an Adult
You can't live on liquid hops alone. That’s where The Loaded Squirrel comes in.
We skip the boring, tiny-portion tapas and serve up real-deal local comfort food built to pair with our taps. Want 100-year-old family recipe breadsticks? Got 'em. Bacon-wrapped pretzel rods? Obviously. Platter of meats and melted cheese to keep your carb count reserved strictly for beer? You know it.
We don't care about pinkies-up table manners here. Grab a seat on the patio, grab a plate of Squirrel Shafts, and leave the decorum at the door.
Sip, Laugh, Give Back
Behind the cheeky beer names and squirrel jokes, there’s one thing we do take seriously: our community. 10% of our drink sales go directly to five local non-profits. So technically, drinking a fresh batch of craft beer on our dog-friendly patio counts as your good deed for the week. You're welcome.
Ready to embrace your inner nuttiness?
Stop by the taproom in Thornton, grab a flight, and find your new favorite brew. Grandmas optional, sense of humor required!
Frequently Asked Questions:
Q: Do I need to be a craft beer expert to enjoy Satire Brewing? A: Absolutely not. If you know what "wet" tastes like, you’re fully qualified. We skip the snooty jargon and focus on brewing incredibly good, small-batch beer. Whether you're a hardcore hophead or someone who usually orders a light lager, our staff will help you find something you'll love.
Q: What’s the deal with "No Rules Brewing"? A: It means we don't follow rigid style guides or brewing traditions just because some textbook said so. Our nano-brewery setup lets us experiment constantly with unique ingredients, unexpected flavors, and high-ABV creations. If it tastes awesome, it goes on tap.
Q: What kind of food do you serve? A: We feature The Loaded Squirrel, our in-house culinary concept focused on rich, shareable comfort food. Think legendary family-recipe breadsticks, bacon-wrapped pretzel rods, loaded platters, and savory dips designed specifically to pair with our beers. Come hungry—tiny, pretend portions aren't a thing here.
Q: Are dogs and kids allowed? A: Yes to both! We have a spacious, dog-friendly patio for your four-legged drinking buddies. We just ask that your dogs are leashed, your kids are supervised, and both are cooler than the people complaining about them.
Q: Do you take reservations? A: We operate primarily on a first-come, first-served basis for seating in the taproom and on the patio. If you have a larger group or want to plan a private event, reach out to us directly through our website contact page.
Q: How does your charity program work? A: We care about our Thornton community. We donate 10% of drink sales directly to five local non-profit organizations. Every pint or flight you drink helps support great local causes, so you can consider your visit a form of community service.
